o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize