The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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