Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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