I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
