Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
