I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
