he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We just shotgunned beers for America
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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