That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
