my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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