Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
