smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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