How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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