all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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