Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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