I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
