I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize