There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
