Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
