After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
