Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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