You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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