How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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