I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
