I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize