u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
