Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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