"it" just moved
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
