guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize