Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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