i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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