She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
