TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize