Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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