Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
