Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
