she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
