I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So much rum. So many feels.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
