don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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