Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
