Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
