And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
