Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
