I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
