I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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