and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
