Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
