I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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