why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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