i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
