WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
