K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
