I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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