I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
