PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize