she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize