I want to make a zoo with you.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
