Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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