For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
