don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
