Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Randomize
