You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
