i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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