when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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