he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
