My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you're hired as official boob wrangler
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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