Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
