He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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