Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
