Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
