i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
