At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
