I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
