I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize