I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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