i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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