Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
