Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize