I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
