ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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