2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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