Christians are straight up FREAKS
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
