I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Someone shit on the floor
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
