he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
