I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize