Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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