My Higher Power is John Stamos
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
