My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
