if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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