You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
