I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
