my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
