How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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