evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
