the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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