$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
