Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
